Goodbye 2007

The tempting thing to write is something like, “hopefully, 2008 will be a better year.”  How trite.  Better?  That’s a stretch.

I imagine that the process of slowly reconstructing my life, hopes and dreams from the pile of rubble that it is now, along with  raising two young children on my own will mostly be a struggle far beyond anything I’ve experienced in any other year of my life.  Oh, and figuring out how to make enought money to pay the bills, too.  Oh, and trying not to go insane with grief.

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Rejoice, Believe

“Rejoice” “Believe”

The words written in white lights taunted from the banks the Pecos River. Admirable sentiments. Read the rest of this entry »

Family gatherings

It’s true, the holidays can be tough for everyone, especially those who grieve. In my mind I’ve kind of pooh-poohed this idea, but today after a family gathering where I couldn’t stop thinking about things in reference to Mike (“Mike would have thought that was funny,” “it would be so much easier if Mike were here to help with the kids”, “Mike had a grin similar to Alex’s” and on and on and on ad nauseum).  Read the rest of this entry »

Nothing too much new to report

I’m finding it harder to write lately. Perhaps its the holidays and Marley’s birthday and accompanying festivities combined with the house on 4th Ave really gearing up and keeping me busy. Perhaps its because I feel like there’s not a lot new to say. Things are still hard. I’m still grateful for the 1-2 times per week that people have been so graciously bringing meals to us. It would be unbearably difficult if it weren’t for that.

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Doing my duty

It’s hard to figure what reality is. I keep telling myself that basically I’m okay. But then I find myself in a public situation, at a store or in church and I feel completely spaced out. I can’t make decisions about what to buy. I’ve purchased virtually nothing for the upcoming holidays, though I ‘ve intended to on many occasions. Or I forget why I am doing something. Or I can’t begin to think about anything to talk about. Oftentimes, I only feel half present. Read the rest of this entry »

What a week

Wow, this has been a humdinger of a bad week. (Last Sunday through Friday in particular). No one thing specifially bad, other than what our life is like w/o Mike. But emotionally and physical pain very near the surface at almost all times. The clouds finally broke up a bit on Saturday. Read the rest of this entry »


“What does this say?”, Marley asked as she handed me a piece of paper that says “MOMSADPLAIS.”

She has been acutely interested in spelling things lately and wrote this message after seeing one too many bouts of mom’s crying.  Read the rest of this entry »

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