Tear-filled goodbyes and a difficult introduction

Back to reality. Whatever that is. Kids are home from their month long trip to New Mexico. They stayed with Mike’s mom Dinny and her husband Frank in Las Cruces. From all accounts, the trip went swimmingly well for everyone.

Dinny brought them back yesterday and flew out of Birmingham today. About an hour before she left, Avery asked if he could go back to NM with her. “Just for a day.” And then he asked why she couldn’t stay here longer. Oh God, I knew what was coming. A big burst of tears after he said goodbye to her at the airport. Absolute sobbing. And I thought to myself, “I don’t remember him crying like this after his dad died.” Of course, he was three then and surely didn’t know the ramifications of what had happened to his dad.

“We’re not going to see grandma for a long time,” he said in the car. Read the rest of this entry »

okey dokey here we come

It feels like (and is) the next big chapter in my life. Flash has built me a beautiful light-filled office on what used to be the back porch, and the kids have seperate rooms to come home to tomorrow.
I came home from a party just now thinking I’d cut the grass and Flash beat me to the punch. He’s already out there slogging away, so I sneaked in the office (which has giant windows overlooking the back 40), grabbed my laptop and brought it into the kitchen to get in a quick blogging entry.
We’ve given my (our) house a name. Flash’s house on southside was given the name “The Asylum” years ago. One night he casually asked what we are going to name my (our) place. I blurted out “The Okey Dokey Ranch.” We both laughed and I promptly forgot about it.
A few days later, Flash said that he really liked the name I gave our house. He had to remind me of the name. Much easier than naming a child. Though I feel like The Okey Dokey in some strange way IS and will be our child. Our big creation together. Read the rest of this entry »

Michael–past and present

I’m in love with a man named Michael. This is more than a bit strange, I will admit, and it has caused occasional confusion when I refer to him as “Mike” or “Michael” in converstion with those who knew the father of my children.

Luckily, Michael’s nickname is “Flash.” He is funny, sweet, creative, generous and understands and accepts my past and present grief. And he loves my children. And I love his daugher.

He has had his experiences with death, too. Brother, mother, grandmother.

Read the rest of this entry »